Making a Family Mission Statement

 

Home education and just parenting in general requires A LOT of teaching and instruction. I know that for our family, our learning started out so differently years ago than what it is right now. It was more complex, more workbooks and more structured time. Now that I have prayed and asked the Lord how HE wants our children to be educated, I have surrendered this area all to Him. He has brought amazing people into our lives and pointed us to wonderful books that have helped shape and mold our learning to what it is today. Every year truly is an experiment and not only for what my children are learning, but me as well.

 

At the beginning of the summer, I was reading a book (can't remember to save my life which one now!), but it suggested writing up a mission statement with your spouse. I loved the idea and recently was able to sit down with Rob and finalize it.

 

I keep it posted so that I can remind myself daily that it's not all about getting workbook page 143 completed, but an even bigger picture than that. If a child can't narrate (draw, write, act out or tell) back to me what they learned, then I have wasted my time teaching them. It also keeps in check that math, spelling or science is inferior to Rob and I teaching them about the Lord. 

 

A mission statement is different than family goals. I'll post our goals at a later time, but for today I'll just share our mission statement in particular.

 

 

Bates Family Homeschool Mission Statement

 

" The Bates family goal is to stimulate our children's appetites for learning, that they may have an excitement and a passion for learning. We realize that each child is different and has acquired from God their individual, God-given talents and gifts that the Lord will use to disciple and bring others to Christ as they grow older. Our desire is that they would be self-taught and help to teach one another as they try to master certain topics. Our main goal is to produce disciples of Jesus Christ, that they may come to know Him and love Him with all of their heart, soul, mind and strength, submitting to His will for their lives and maintaining a healthy fear of God (the fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge). Our daily goal is to model this for them. As they gain knowledge, it is our prayer that they use this knowledge to acquire true wisdom, passing these goals on to another generation of children (should that be the Lord's will for their lives), living out Titus 2."

 

What is your family mission statement?

Make Your Own Child Training Bible

Saw this floating around today and thought I'd bless all of my fabulous readers with this great find. All you need is any 9 by 6 Bible, 7 colors of Post It flags and coordinating colored highlighters (they suggest Sharpie's Accent Highlighters) to highlight with.

For $9.00, you get:
1 Child Training Bible Key (laminated cardstock to fit in the front of your Bible)
3 Easy Tabbers (these help you determine where the scriptures are in your Bible)
1 Set of Instructions to make the Bible

I'm looking forward to putting our own together and if any of you decide to attempt this fabulous find, please let me know and give me a link to your blog so we can all share together! :)

Doorposts Has a Blog
I just today discovered (via Facebook) that Doorposts has a blog. I knew they had a website to purchase all of their amazingly helpful charts, tools and information on discipline and parenting, but I didn't know they had a blog. Whoo-hoo! Lots of wonderful tips on organization, raising godly sons/daughters and so much more. Be sure to check it out!

Grocery Shopping Rules

Shopping with little ones can be an interesting experience, therefore we have certain rules that we MUST abide by when we're out on a shopping trip. Here are our rules that I keep in our shopping binder. We're still working on them, but the more consistent I am, the more progress I see (even if it is little by little).

1. Respect people and respect property.

2. Don't touch unless you're going to buy. Consequence = hands in pockets for a few aisles.

3. We are ambassadors wherever we go. We represent a large, Christian, homeschool family.

4. Begging = consequences when we get home. We do go over things IN ADVANCE that might be a problem during our shopping trip. For instance, if I know that my son is going to desire dried apricots, we'll add it to the list BEFORE we leave the house. If it's not on the list, we don't get it. My children generally ask ( ahem...beg) for healthy things so it's hard not to encourage it, but we still try and add it to the list before we go. We do shop at a health food store, so that dwindles down a large majority of our begging issues. What they do ask for isn't necessarily unhealthy.

5. Misbehavior drains my energy. If you wear me out while we're out and about, you'll need to help me with my work when we return home.

6. The more helpful you are during the shopping trip, the sooner we can get on with our day and do "the fun things", library trip, park, get home to make popsicles, etc.

7. Everyone helps bring in the groceries when we get home. Even little Norah can bring in the light things (puffed wheat, a bunch of bananas, etc.).

Prayer For Our Children
I was once given a handout from a friend as we were discussing prayer for our children and this handout has been a huge blessing to me in my prayer life for my kids. There are so many things that we as parents want for our children, but do we remember to PRAY for them on a daily basis. Are they GODLY things that we're praying for? The things on this list are wonderful, but there are a few more things that I always pray for my children (listed at the bottom). I hope that this touches you. I hope that some of you can use this tool in your own prayer life and I pray that this post would be God-honoring.

1. salvation "Lord, let salvation spring up within my children, that they may obtain the salvation that is in Christ Jesus, with eternal glory" (Is. 45:8, 2 Tim. 2:10)

2. growth in grace "I pray that my children may grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ" (2 Pet. 3:18)

3. love "Grant, Lord, that my children may learn to live a life of love, through the Spirit who dwells in them" (Gal. 5:25, Eph. 5:2)

4. honesty and integrity "May integrity and honesty be their virtue and their protection" (Ps. 25:21)

5. self-control "Father, help my children not to be like many others
around them, but let them be alert and self-controlled
in all they do" (1 Thess. 5:6)

6. love for God's Word "May my children grow to find Your Word more precious than
much pure gold and sweeter tan honey from the comb"
(Ps. 19.10)

7. justice "God, help my children to love justice as You do and act
justly in all they do" (Ps. 1:7, Mic. 6:8)

8. mercy "May my children always be berciful, just as their Father
in Heaven is merciful" (Lk. 6:36)

9. respect (for self, others, authority)
"Father, grant that my children may show proper respect
to everyone, as Your Word commands" (1Pet. 2:17)

10. BIBLICAL self-esteem. "Help my children develop a strong self-esteem that is
rooted in the realization that they are God's workmanship,
created in Christ Jesus" (Eph. 2:10)

* A great book I recommend...Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World

by Jill Rigby. Remember that SELF esteem is to esteem one's self. The Bible teaches the opposite. I don't much like using the actual word "self esteem", but that's what was on the list that I used.

11. faithfulness "Let love and faithfulness never leave my children, but
bind these twin virtues around their necks and write
them on the tablet of their hearts" (Prov. 3:3)

12. courage "May my children always be strong and courageous in
their character and in their actions" (Deut. 31:6)

13. purity "Create in them a pure heat, O God, and let that purity
of heart be shown in their actions" (Ps. 51:10)

14. kindness "Lord, may my children always try to be kind to each
other and to everyone else" (1 Thess. 5:15)

15. generosity "Grant that my children may be generous and willing
to share, and so lay up treasure for themselves as a
firm foundation for the coming age" (1 Tim. 6:18-19)

16. peace-loving"Father, let my children make every effort to do what
lead to peace" (Rom. 14:19)

17. joy "May my children be filled with the joy given by the
Holy Spirit" (I Thess. 1:6)

18. perseverance "Lord, teach my children perseverance in all they do,
and help them especially to run with perseverance
the race marked out for them" (Heb. 12:1)

19. humility "God, please cultivate in my children the ability to
show true humility toward all' (Titus 3:2)

20. compassion "Lord, please clothe my children with the virtue of
compassion" (Col. 3:12)

21. responsibility "Grant that my children may learn responsibility, for
each one should carry his own load" (Gal. 6:5)

22. contentment "Father, teach my children the secret of being content
in any and every situation, through Him who gives them strength" (Phil. 4:12-13)

23. faith "I pray that faith will find root and grow in my children's
hearts, that by faith they may gain what has been
promised to them (Luke 17:5-6, Heb. 11:1-40)

24. a servant's heart "God, please help my children develop servants' hearts,
that they may serve wholeheartedly, as if they were
serving the Lord, not men" (Eph. 6:7)

25. hope "May the God of hope grant that my children may
overflow with hope and hopefulness by the power
of the Holy Spirit" (Rom. 15:13)

26. the willingness and ability to work hard "Teach my children, Lord, to value work and to work hard at everything they do, 'as working for the Lord, not for men'." (Colossians 3:23)

27. a passion for God "Lord, please instill in my children a soul that 'followeth hard after thee,' a heart that clings passionately to you (Psalm 63:8)

28. self-discipline "Father, I pray that my children may develop self-discipline, that they may acquire 'a disciplined and prudent life, doing what is right and just and fair' " (Proverbs 1:3)

29. prayerfulness "Grant, Lord, that my children's lives may be marked by prayerfulness, that they may learn to 'pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests" (Ephesians 6:18)

30. gratitude "Help my children to live lives that are always 'overflowing with thankfulness,' 'always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ' " (Colossians 2:7, Ephesians 5:20)

31. a heart for missions "Lord, please help my children to develop a heart for missions, a desire to see your glory declared among the nations, your marvelous deeds among all peoples" (Psalm 96:3)


Some other things I pray for my children...



32. That they would Love the Lord their God with all their heart, soul, mind and strength. (Deuteronomy 6:4)


33. That they would teach their children about Jesus and his Word all throughout the day as they are "at home, walking along the road, lying down and getting up". (Deuteronomy 6:7) OR doing laundry, playing outside, finishing up math work, jumping rope with Mommy, doing chores throughout the day, learning to play an instrument, etc.


34. That they would train their children as in Proverbs 22:6. Notice that the verse reads,

"(You) Train a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it."

Getting a little into the grammar of this verse,

(after all, I used to teach English and aw, why not? tee hee)

notice that the subject of the sentence is the understood YOU. Who do you think the understood YOU is aiming at? Your next door neighbor? No. Your great auntie? No. The best friend? No. This verse is meant that the child be brought up and trained by the parents God gave the specific child(ren) to.

Parents, WE are to do the training. I might be stepping on some toes here, but I think this is why it's so important, in fact, Godly, to keep our children with us as much as possible. Shipping children off for 6+ hours a day and then adding on activities until dinnertime isn't what God intended. When does the training happen?

I love Connie's story over at SmockityFrocks.com because her story is almost to the "T" of where I came from. It's amazing how we can be SO concerned about fitting into the "American Mould" that we loose sight of what God's Word says. (Proverbs 1:1-7) Does God really care about how many soccer trophies our kids have? Does He really care about if our child received a 4.1 GPA or a 3.2 GPA? Just food for thought. :) I think this is why I love the person who rewrote the Hilary Clinton quote about it "taking a village to raise a child". Quite honestly, I don't trust a whole village to raise my children that God gave to Rob and I. Do I have good friends/family who occasionally help out in times of need? Yes. They are friends or family that I trust, but are they RAISING my children? NO! There's a big difference.


Another thing to remember about Proverbs (referring to the verse Prov. 22:6) is that is it NOT a book of promises, but a book of suggestions and things to follow. There's no guarantee that our children will turn out perfect, even if we think we're parenting perfect. Just no such thing. They will make mistakes. They will have temptations and sin in their lives just as we do. It is our job to train them and guide them the best we can, seeking God's will, reading his Word and then turning them over to him.

Here's Connie's article in a 3-part series...

Part I ,
Part II,
Part III.


35. This leads me to my #35 where I pray that our children not conform to this world and feel the pressures of fitting into a certain mould that society says is "proper" or "normal". Define proper or normal. :)


Romans 12: 2 says..."Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing and perfect will."

(John 15:19; John 17:14; I John 2:15; James 4:4)


36. I pray that if the Lord has my children marry, that they have a spouse that loves the Lord above all else and loves my child such as I Corinthians 13. I just love this chapter! So pure.

There's so much we want for our children in this world, but even more important what we should want for them in the next world...salvation and a relationship with Jesus Christ, God himself and the Holy Spirit.

"Do not be deceived; God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. The one who sows to please his sinful nature, from that nature will reap destruction; the one who sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Therefore, as we have opprotunity, let us do good to all people, especially to those who belong to the family of believers."

Galations 6:7-10

Keep on prayin' parents!!! Blessings to you all.

We've Been Workin'

So, Rob had off work last week and we able to get in some good family fun, relaxation and a few projects. Here's the 'shlew' of what we did...

stayed in Orlando for a few nights of family fun, swam and played, put up our garden trellises, made two chicken tractors, needed another rotating composter (thanks Lowe's!!...they now carry composters), got a roof and nesting box added to the chicken coop (not sure why I don't have pics of that...note to self, take pictures), got our bathtub fixed so that we can now shower in our guest bathroom (we're having our Brittish family of 6 visiting soon -whoo hoo! - and we NEED two fully-functioning bathrooms!), Avy lost a tooth, Norah started walking, we visited with friends (Mike and Marie's which is where Norah started walking), took another trip to see Mr. Lambert and buy milk and honey, watched some baseball, took naps, had a date night (thanks Miss Megan!), READ, READ, READ and am still reading. We just enjoyed each other as a family and although the week flew by, it was such a blessed time.

Now that we're 'back to the drawing board', we miss Daddy as he's back to work, but are staying busy as we've begun planting things in our garden. Pumpkin seeds were planted about two weeks ago and are thriving. They got transplanted to bigger trays where their roots can stabilize and they're out in the garden now. I was at Lowe's getting our rotating composter when I scored on some cheap (but BIG) blackberry, fig and grape plants (although the fig is a tree technically). Those got added. As we've been eating pineapples in our house, we've been cutting off the tops and adding them to our garden for some new pineapples in two years. Avonlea wants to start her own strawberry garden out back, so last night I let her plant the strawberry seeds I ordered. Not sure if they'll be ready by spring, but we shall see. We have watermelon seedlings that will get transplanted into the garden in a few weeks and just for fun, I started some tomatoes. I love how St. Claire's Heirloom Seeds company sends me free stuff since I order so much from them. I even got some free worm casings (poop!) to add to my seedling trays. Isn't it weird how free worm poop can make a girl happy?! Ahhh....yes. Worm poop. Let's all just take this one in, shall we? ;)

I've been reading a new book called Raising Godly Tomatoes and although I think it's a genius of a book, I'm struggling with actually applying the techniques. 'Tomato Staking' is the author's main point throughout the book, meaning keeping your child with you as much as possible to correct their disobidience, bad attitudes and wrong choices. Well, while it's a wonderful concept, the book doesn't touch on the fact that there are life's little interruptions that just happen. I keep my children with me a LARGE percent of the time. They're 4, 3 and 1. I have to! However, there are times a baby needs to be put down for a nap which involves some quiet time with just she and I (nursing, reading a book, changing a diaper, a quick snuggle and off to bed she goes). There are times when I'm disciplining a child and have to leave the other two in a room playing together. There are times when I have to grab the mail, throw in a load of laundry, go to the bathroom! :) It's just not possible to keep them with me all the time to correct every little wrong-doing. There are some WONDERFUL points to this book however, so don't get the wrong impression that I'm not enjoying it. I'm almost finished with it and can't wait to do a post on it at some point. I have so many books that I want to share, especially share my annotations. Time is of the essence. ;)

Anyway, if anyone has read this book and has had big success, please do share. I'm so curious to know how to make it work.

Here are some photos of what we've been up to:

trellises up in the garden

Ain't she a beauty?



One of the ways we try to keep pesky squirrels out of our garden. So far, so good.

(He's fake by the way.)

The chicken tractors we built. I say 'we', but my incredibly talented husband basically built these by himself. I simply helped with the chicken wire that goes around. Our electric staple gun kept jamming, so it took us forever just to get the wire on. We had one chick escape the tractor, but found out how they were getting out and fixed the problem pronto.

Norah has now figured out how to be my secretary and take messages.

Gotta love his brown eyes.

Avonlea on the slide at our hotel.
Avy's first lost tooth. It came out while wrestling with Daddy and Lincoln. It bled a little and she was quite panicked, but was very proud to officially become a toothless, big girl. ;)

Dad's and Mom's Corners by The Maxwell Parents

I just have to share a blessing with you all. If you haven't heard of the Maxwell family at Titus2.com, you must check them out. They have been such a blessing to our family and they don't even know it! I have read some of their books that they have published and am bummed that I missed their conference when they were here in FL months ago. I went to their website and signed up to receive their e-mails "Dad's and Mom's Corners". Each month, I get their e-mails and there's a section for moms and a section for dads. Well, after receiving my "Mom's Corner" today, I just had to share, so I copied and pasted the whole thing here on my blog. I hope you read and feel as blessed as I was in listening toTeri today.

Bringing Up Children Who Will Love the Lord
Part 1
Recently on MOTHBoard, the message board that supports the Managers of Their Homes book, we had a wonderful question. I felt it had such valuable universal application that I told the writer I would personally respond to her question in detail in a near-future Mom's Corner. Here is what she wrote:

"My greatest desire for my child is that he will love the Lord with all of his heart. He is generally well behaved and obedient, but I have recently realized that I need to do a better job of stirring up godly appetites in his heart. I want to teach him to be a lover of God more than a lover of pleasure.

"There are two areas where I see my own need to improve: One is that I don't think I have scheduled in enough work and responsibility for him. The other is that I am not a diligent person. I am too quick to settle for less effort, both on my part, and on his. I haven't been purposely doing this, but now that I realize it, I am so sorry for it! I want to change, and I am claiming God's promise that I can do all things through Christ Who strengthens me.

"I am going to re-read my Managers of Their Homes book, and re-write our schedule. Once I have done this, I plan to start joining the weekly accountability threads.

"Meanwhile, I would love any advice you have. I know that teaching our children to love God above all is a heart issue. However, I believe that our hearts are affected by the way we spend our time. I believe that our schedule has a VERY strong impact on our hearts. What do you put on your schedules that has actually brought fruit in your children's lives, taught them to love the Lord, and to have a servant's heart?

"We have silent Bible reading, as well as a time for reading the Bible together, and for memory work. He uses a Bible study book as part of his homeschool work. We also have a reading time right before bed. For the most part, we use books with a godly focus, such as the Moodys series, Rod and Staff stories, etc. What more can I do to give him godly teachings and to help him apply these teachings to his life?" WhiterThanSnow

"And thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thine heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy might. And these words, which I command thee this day, shall be in thine heart: And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up" (Deuteronomy 6:5-7). Certainly, most of us are familiar with these verses and would desire this outcome for our children just like WhiterThanSnow does for her son. The verses themselves give us some of the answers to the question of how one teaches their children to love the Lord Jesus. We will delve into that aspect as we continue. For now, I just wanted us to have read the verses that are the basis for the goal.

The other part of WhiterThanSnow's desire for her son comes from 2 Timothy 3:4. Paul is describing the negative attributes of men in the last days with a scary, awful list of the actions and attitudes that will be prevalent at that time. One aspect is that men will be "lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God."

WhiterThanSnow nailed it pretty well when she said she wasn't a diligent person, and perhaps that has been the reason for her son not being diligent either. There is an awesome reality that our children mirror what they see in our lives. Of course, that can work positively or negatively, but it seems children are usually more quick to catch the negative than the positive.

The appetites and passions that WhiterThanSnow has in her life will most likely become the ones that are in her son's life. If WhiterThanSnow spends personal time in the Word and in prayer each morning before her son gets up and then at breakfast shares her excitement about what she has learned, he will desire to do the same thing. "O God, thou art my God; early will I seek thee: my soul thirsteth for thee, my flesh longeth for thee in a dry and thirsty land, where no water is" (Psalms 63:1). "As newborn babes, desire the sincere milk of the word, that ye may grow thereby" (1 Peter 2:2). However, if there is no passion in WhiterThanSnow's heart for her Lord as evidenced by the way she spends her time and what she talks about, she really can't expect to find that passion in her son's heart. Sadly that is often the case. We want an outcome for our children that isn't the reality in our own lives.

When WhiterThanSnow digs into her morning chores with a smile on her face and a song on her lips, she will likely find her son beginning to do the same thing. "She riseth also while it is yet night, and giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens" (Proverbs 31:15). "The slothful man roasteth not that which he took in hunting: but the substance of a diligent man is precious" (Proverbs 12:27). "Rejoice in the Lord alway: and again I say, Rejoice" (Philippians 4:4). Through this example, WhiterThanSnow can model for her son not only diligence in the task at hand but a love for the Lord Jesus Christ in the midst of the everyday jobs that fill many of our hours.

On the other hand, if WhiterThanSnow grumbles and complains about her workload and heads for the computer to read e-mails and blogs rather than tackling her housework, she reinforces the sin nature in her son that gravitates toward selfishness and laziness. "Do all things without murmurings and disputings" (Philippians 2:14). "I went by the field of the slothful, and by the vineyard of the man void of understanding; And, lo, it was all grown over with thorns, and nettles had covered the face thereof, and the stone wall thereof was broken down. Then I saw, and considered it well: I looked upon it, and received instruction. Yet a little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to sleep: So shall thy poverty come as one that travelleth; and thy want as an armed man" (Proverbs 24:30-34).

Our lives are the starting place toward the goal of raising a child who is more a lover of the Lord Jesus Christ than he is a lover of pleasure. May we critically evaluate the example we are placing before our children, repent if our hearts have strayed from their first love or are lazy, and then ask the Lord to help us back on the path on which we need to be. As WhiterThanSnow said, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13). While it may seem too hard to change or seem overwhelming in the current circumstances, the Lord gives us yet another encouragement: ". . . My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong" (2 Corinthians 12:9-10). Next month we will continue to evaluate key ingredients in our children's lives that will draw them to that love of their Savior.

Teri Maxwell

Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours

I love to read. I love even more to RE-READ. This is on my list of re-reads. :) If you've never read a good book on REALITY DISCIPLINE, this is a good one. I'm a big fan of reality discipline. "If you don't do this, then this will happen." Say it once. No warnings. No counting to 10. Just do as I say. One thing I like about Dr. Kevin Leman is that besides the fact that he's halarious (he's the baby of his family), he's friends with Josh McDowell and the two men have very similar perspectives on discipline... Rules without relationship, lead to rebellion.

Anyway, enjoy this little clip. :)

Reality Discipline...Toddlers

Picture with me if you will...

Mother walks into Target with three, young children. Children have already been warned in the car that we are here to get two birthday gifts for OTHER PEOPLE ONLY and not ourselves. We graze down the toy aisles looking at toys, thinking what our friends would like for their birthdays. One gift down, one to go. We hit the car/truck aisle ('Please help me Lord.') Two-year-old sees the Lightning McQueen shake and go car. There's one left and it would be a perfect gift for our friend. Mom is thinking. Thinking she should have shopped with no children in the first place. No. They have to learn to buy birthday presents for others without being selfish. Four-year-old has this down pat, but the two-year-old son...right. Still learning!! Mom thinks, "Maybe I could hide it in the cart when he's not looking and somehow checkout and pay for it without my son noticing." Hmmm...nope. Not going to happen. Again, he needs to learn one of life's little lessons of giving to others. Mom knows this is not rocket science and never gives in to toy buying at Target anyway. We shop there for cereal (cheaper than the grocery store), baby wipes and other necessary items. Not toys. Lightning McQueen gets tossed into the cart because Mom knows this particular birthday boy will LOVE it. =) We get to the checkout and son hits the fan and crys because he thinks this is his toy. When Mom reassures him that it's for 'so-and-so', the cry turns into a whine, then into a full-blown fit. Mom has a wooden spoon in her purse and has taken a 'trip to the bathroom' before, but she knows she has to pay for her purchase at this point in time. Son is now laying on the floor and screaming. Mom is trying to pick him up as she's paying, trying to ignore the stares around her. She's trying to discipline her son, definately not going to cave to his rude behavior and standing firm. As Mom steps over her crying son and begins to leave the store, son comes running after her and begins to stop crying. Mom is smiling inside knowing that it worked, but still keeps an "I'm in charge" look about her face. Mother and son hug in the car.

*For those of you who have no children, you're not allowed to post a commment today. (smile)

*For those of you who have babies and think this will never happen to you because your children are going to be saints, think again. (grin) By nature, children are selfish, little guys and God instructs us to bring it out of them, teaching them kind behavior.

*For those of you who have children and everyday make it priority to discipline your kids with reality discipline, good for you.

The reality discipline from this story was that I was NOT caving in to buying my son a toy. It was not his birthday, so he doesn't get a gift. We need to teach our children to be giving and unselfish towards others. Also, the fit at the end was not cute by any means. By stepping over him, I'm telling him that he's not going to interrupt my schedule and I'm not tolerating the behavior. I was leaving the store. Plain and simple.

I was grateful that Norah and Avonlea were gems in the store. They ususally are. I did praise Avonlea for her good behavior and that meant a lot to her.

I loved reading Sheila's post today on disciplining toddlers and how much I felt reassurred that I'm doing the right thing. Thanks Sheila!!

Table Chores

I thought it was so funny that my fellow Blogger over at To Love, Honor and Vacuum did a post today on children's chores because today was the first day I started a new chore for my own kiddos...table chores/AKA: cleaning up after breakfast. There are always the following things left on our table after breakfast: food, OJ, milk, silverware, bowls, plates, etc. Every morning, while the kids do their morning chores (getting dressed, brushing teeth, etc.), I oversee the cleaning up of breakfast. Well, today I got out the spray and two wash cloths and let Avy and Linkster help out. They loved helping wash down the table top and chairs. I don't let them do the spray because there is a level of bleach in it, but they do love helping with their washcloths. Avy also helped me put away the OJ and milk into the fridge and my kids from an early age have always put their own dirty dishes into the sink. We had a sparkling table in a matter of minutes!



*The little feet in this picture are of the other baby we're watching during the day. He's such a sweetheart and he's 3 weeks older than Norah.

Chore Training

I've had people ask me how I get my kids to do their chores in the morning. It's simple really. I've had to TRAIN them. When assigning a chore to a child, you can't just expect them to understand how to "do the dishes" if you haven't shown them. How would you like it if your boss at work asked you to complete a task and never showed you how to do it. It would probably take you a long time to get it right and that would be with asking many other co-workers how to do it. You may still not even have it right in the end. With children, it's the same thing! You have to show them MULTIPLE times how to do something and take time out of your day to train them and teach them the proper way. If you want the sink counter clean and dry after your preschooler has just washed his/her hands and made puddles everywhere, you need to "model" and show them how to clean up after themselves and what the final outcome should look like.


For instance, it probably took me 1 1/2 months to get Avonlea fully trained on her morning chores. Her chores consist of:

- getting dressed
- making her bed
- brushing her hair (not perfect, but she tries)
- brushing her teeth
- clothes in the hamper
- filling the dog bowls with food/water
- eat breakfast (she likes to help make it a few days a week)
- dishes to the sink

Some other chores throughout the day are:

- completing schoolwork with a good attitude
- eating lunch/dinner and dishes to the sink
- taking a bath (with help)
- pjs on
- brushing teeth at night


After breakfast, we turn on music and we set a timer for 12 minutes. When the 12 minutes is up, it beeps and I turn the tv on for a morning show (this is when I get my chores done and get dressed). I leave the tv on for the entire show and whenever Avy's chores are done is when she gets to join her brother (I'm helping him with his chores now...VERY basic) and watch the show. The quicker she gets done, the more of the show she can catch. There have been days when she doddles and doesn't catch any of the show. She still has to do the chores. This is rare though because she loves to watch her morning tv show. =)


As she does her chores, she pulls off certain cards on her chart and puts them in a bag (crossing them off...sort of). I put stars on the morning ones so she knows which ones are for morning. If she completes all chores with a good attitude, she gets a quarter. She likes to save up for certain things.


What are some of your chores that your kids do and how do you do them?

"Bye, Bye Paci"

Today is THE day we are saying goodbye to Lincoln's paci. I don't know why I haven't tried sooner, but I just put the little tike down for his nap and after about 10 minutes of crying for it, he's finally settled down and is napping without his paci for the first time! =) After much debate, I've decided to go "cold turkey". The boy will be turning two in two weeks and I figured I'd like to get this transition out of the way before this baby arrives in 3 and 1/2 weeks. I know with Avonlea, we had her go through three major transitions within 2 months and she did swimmingly...new toddler bed, moved into a new house and a new baby brother. I'm hoping that this transition goes the same. The only way this can backfire is if Lincoln starts wanting a pacifier when he sees that his new baby brother or sister has one in a few weeks. Hopefully, with consistency, we'll be able to bite the bullet and that won't happen. He'll realize that pacis are for babies. We've been reading this book Pacifiers Are Not Forever and I think it's been helping.
So wish us luck! I'm hoping for a smooth bedtime tonight. I'm off to search for all his pacifiers and dispose of them quickly before I get tempted to hang on to them "just incase". =)

Picky Eater and Chores...Using Reality Discipline

Rob and I have been enjoying a class each week at our church called "Parents R Us". We've been studying a book called Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman and boy, does it have some great stuff. He emphasizes reality discipline out the ying-yang and Rob and I have used some this week and although it's been stressful, I think it's slowly sinking into Avonlea's brain.

Discipline Scenerio #1: Picky Eating

I don't make seperate meals for the people in our family, with the exception of when I cook fish, I make Rob a burger since he protests fish. I want our kids to try new foods and not get hung up on chicken nuggests and fries. In fact, I've never made chicken nuggets for dinner (ever) and fries are only when we eat out (which is rare). So, I'm not sure why, but Avonlea has recently become quite the picky eater (the girl used to eat squash, spinach, you name it!). The other day, I tried something that the book suggests. I didn't set a place for Avonlea at dinner (this is your cue to gasp!!!). Yes, we all sat down for our meal and when Avonlea realized that everyone else was eating, she came out and asked why she didn't have a place set for her. I told her because she refuses to eat her dinner each night and I'm tired of arguing with her. So, after a few minutes of her walking around the house and watching us all eat, she asked if she could have a place set for her and eat along with us. I said sure. She sat down and ate about 1/2 her dinner! It was great. The only problem is that we had the same problem last night and she really didn't eat. We were off to church and she chose not to eat her dinner (Mexican rice, beans and fajitas). We had to leave and her dinner was sitting on the table cold, still uneaten. So, we left. I told her teacher no snacks that night and would you believe that the first words out of her mouth when I picked her up were, "Mommy, I'm SO hungry. I think I'll eat my dinner." (Sigh of relief.) We went home, heated up dinner and she ate some. Not as much as I wanted her to, but something. It's a work-in-progress, but I'm hoping that if we can just stay consistent, it'll all pay off in the end.

Discipline Scenerio #2: Morning Chores

This morning was a BATTLE. Not sure why because we didn't do anything different, but never-the-less, Avonlea refused to do her chores. Instead of nagging her this morning, I simply told her that I was going to turn on the tv at 9:00 and she and Lincoln could watch a show while I got dressed, showered and did the dishes. BUT, she had to have her morning chores done (there's get dressed, brush hair/teeth, make bed and feed pets). I help her with feeding the pets. She knows how to do them all and this has been a routine for months now. She lolly-gagged around this morning and when she heard the tune to "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse", she flipped out because her show was starting and she wasn't able to watch it. She asked if she could watch it and I replied, "Are your chores done?" (no) The final verdict was that she took so long to get her chores done, she only got to watch 5 minutes of her show. Oh well.

I think she's just really starting to test her boundaries. It's not like we're not being consistent or anything. She's just seeing what she can get away with and whom she can get away with it. I know the Lord will honor the decision Rob and I have made to stay strong and not give in. It's not easy, but what part of parenting is? =)

I was reminded of some verses this morning that had to do with parenting. I'm so glad that the Lord has given us His word to learn from, especially in this aspect of life. He tells us exactly what He expects of us as parents and as children. Here are just a few of my favorites. Take time today to read His word, pray sincerely and humbly and jot down a few thoughts on parenting. We have such an important job moms and dads. It's the most important responsibility we'll ever undertake and we want to strive for excellence!

*Ephesians 6:1-4

(Proverbs is loaded with great parenting verses)

*Proverbs 4:1-4

*Proverbs 13:24

*Proverbs 13:22

*Proverbs 13:1

*Proverbs 6:20-23

*Proverbs 22:6 (I pray this one everyday!)

*Proverbs 23:12-28...I love this verse and meditate on it, especially for my son (and my daughter too). I do keep a journal for each of my children, writing all sorts of things in it, letting them draw in it as they're little, putting pictures in it, telling stories, etc. They can read it when they turn 18 and/or "flee the nest". I do incoorporate a lot of prayers in it and this one is the first set of verses, followed by a short written-out prayer for my son's notebook.

There are SO many other verses that our Bible contains about bringing up our children. Feel free to share your favorites!!! I'd love to hear them.

9 Ways to Be Your Child's Best Friend

Rob and I have been reading this book for a parent's class we've been involved in and after reading chapter 7 on "Why Reality Discipline Wil Work in Your Home", I felt compelled to share. At the end of the chapter, Dr. Kevin Lealman shares 9 ways to be your child's best friend:

1. The discipline should fit the infraction. For example, if the child misuses her allowance. When she asks for something extra before the week is out, you simply say, "Sorry, you will have to use your allowance and if you haven't any left, you will have ot wait until Saturday."

2. Never beat or bully your child into submission. Remember, the shepherd's rod was used to guide the sheep, not to wale them.

3. Use action-oriented methods whenever possible.

4. Always try to be consistent.

5. Emphasize order and the need for order. Work comes before play, chores come before breakfast, and so on. This concept reinforces obedience and emphasizes that in all of God's kingdom, there is a need for order-order is important.

6. Always require your child to be accountable and responsible for his or her own actions.

7. Always communicate to your child that he or she is good, even though the behavior may have been irresponsible.

8. Always give your child choices that reinforce cooperation but not competition.

9. If spanking is necessary, it should be done when you're in control of your emotions. It should always be followed up with explanations for why the spanking was necessary, and those all-powerful words, "I love you and I care about you."

Behavior Charts That Work! (so far anyway) =)

The "Blessings Chart" (positive behavior)


The "If-Then Chart" (negative behavior)

So, I found this great idea by help of a friend from church. There's a website called Doorposts.com and it's really helped Avonlea and her choice-making lately. We've just started implementing it and I can honestly say that I'm so glad my friend suggested it to me. There are many things to explore on the website, but mainly, I was looking into creating a chart (we already have other charts for chores, etc.) for behavior and I had certain things I wanted it to include:

1. I wanted it to be Biblically based
2. I wanted Bible verses to back up the positive or negative behavior
3. I wanted rewards and punishments for the certain behaviors
4. I wanted it in chart form
5. I wanted pictures so that my three-year-old could understand it and "read" it.
6. I wanted it to be laminated so we could reuse it again and again.

Needless to say, these charts met all the requirements and I was so glad that I splurged (they are $6.00 each)! I was in the process of making my own, but liked these better so I purchased them from the website. We use an Expo marker to draw happy faces for the good choices and sad faces for the negative choices. There are rewards and punishments for each and I love how consistent the rewards and punishments are for each. For example, on the "If-Then Chart" the punishments are as follows:

1. Arguing, complaining, whining = additional work or loss of priviledge
2. Teasing, picking fights, causing trouble = loss of priviledge
3. Hitting, biting, kicking, throwing = 3 swats (yes, spankings) and asking forgiveness
The list goes on, but you get the general idea.

As for the "Blessings Chart", the rewards are really creative and not in the form of money, candy, etc. :
1. Peacemaking = no chores for a day, child wins a "peacemaking award" and can wear it all day
2. Truthfulness = grant special priviledge or favor, gets to wear a "prince/princess for the day" crown (see Bible verse that goes along with truthfulness...Proverbs 16:13)
3. Wise Speech = Give honeycomb to eat as special treat
* Many of these may not make sense, but the rewards on the "Blessings Chart" tie into the Bible verse that portrays it (honeycomb, kings/queen crown, etc.).

I also had a friend who didn't order the charts, but made her own (she has three kids) and it was based around the Fruits of the Spirit which was originally what I was going for, but the Doorpost Charts have most of those on it, plus some.

One thing I did as well to help (the charts are double-sided with the chart on the front and the suggestions for punishments and rewards are on the backside) was to copy the backs and post those up seperately so we could read the backs and not have to take the charts off the cabinet (we keep them in our kitchen).

Anyway, just thought I'd share the cool idea. Again, you don't have to order the charts and spend the money. You could make your own. =) Have fun and happy parenting!!!

Catching Some zzzzzs...

We've been running into a problem lately...the kids wake up earlier than we do! Typical, I know, but I was destined to find a way to address this issue to gain just a few more minutes of sleep.

For Lincoln (our early riser), we found a small basket and put toys that he usually doesn't play with in it. When he wakes up early in the morning, we go in and place the basket in his crib, giving him something to do and letting us sleep in a bit longer.

With Avonlea, I purchased a basic alarm clock for her bedroom. I posted a sticky note (I'm queen of them!) on the right-hand side with a 7 on it. When the clock says 7 on the left-hand side matching the sticky note that says 7, Avonlea is able to get up. Rob came up with the bright idea of fast-forwarding her clock about 20 minutes and I'm thinking that's not a bad idea (we're so sneaky)! Also, as she's waiting for her 7s to match, she reads books that are located next to her bed. :)

Unselfish Children...

"...Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things." Colossians 3:1-2

So, my mother-in-law told me about this wonderful book and if you know me, I'm a sucker for a good book, so I went out and got it. It's called "Raising Unselfish Children in a Self-Absorbed World" by Jill Rigby and it's WONDERFUL. I think every parent should have to read it. There are some amazing facts/statistics in this book that astonished me such as:
- "Companies are designing charge cards for kids, such as the recently announced 'Hello Kitty' debit card with a target audience of ten to fourteen-year- olds." (SCARY!)
- "Fourteen million households own four or more televisions. Americans spend more to power home audio and video equipment that's turned 'off' but still plugged in than they do to power such devices while actually in use."


We WANT, we WANT, we WANT!!! Our kids are buying into this mentality at such young ages these days. If they don't have the latest and greatest "thing" for Christmas, they get upset.

It's been interesting to see how different schools (one local one in particular) promote themselves in ways of advertising and the pamphlets they create talking about a child's SELF-ESTEEM. "Jesus says that the opposite of high self-esteem ('those who exalt themselves') is humility ('will be humbled'), and He makes it as clear as clear can be that high self-esteem, the UPLIFTING OF SELF, is not the ideal. In the Sermon on the Mount, he blesses the meek, the poor in spirit, and those who mourn. The higher one's self-esteem, the lower one's self-control; the highter one's opinion of oneself, the lower one's respect for others."

This book is absolutely amazing and it ties everything in Biblically. I personally, like to write down the verses and keep them in my Bible or post them around my house to remind myself to serve others and not myself. It gives great examples, stories and situations and shows the everyday, average parent how to resolve situations of selfishness in the home and in the hearts of our children, no matter how big or small they may be. It gives a large list of ideas on things you can do to promote an unselfish attitude in yourself and others in your family (activities, outings, etc.). I highly reccomend it and just so you know, there are other books in the "series" (it's not really a series though). I'll have to find the names of them. So, go out and get this book, or better yet, find some friends who will pitch in together for the book and take turns reading it, annotating it (mark up your book with notes and highlights...I ALWAYS do this-visual learner!) and discussing it when everyone is done. Happy reading!!!

Responsibility...

Fur has been a wonderful addition to our family, but like any addition to the family, comes work and responsibility. Last night, Avonlea learned how to help me clean out the rabbit's cage. I think people underestimate what toddlers are really capable of helping with. The job may not be done perfectly or as good as we might be able to do it, but responsibility gives a child ownership over something and hopefully (I say, hopefully!), this will help the child to become more interested in helping out. This was a first run at cleaning Fur's cage, so we'll see how long the enthusiasm lasts! =) Needless to say, she did a great job at placing new newspaper at the bottom, covering the newspaper with fresh pine bedding and making sure Fur had clean water and food. (I did the "dirty" work of dumping out the old bedding...fun.) Just for the record, Fur is growing and FAST! He loves garden lettuce, broccoli and other veggies.

Naptime Disaster!!!!

So for all of you moms and dads out there that forget what it's like to have an 8-month-old who has just learned how to stand up in his/her crib, this is for you...and to all of you moms and dads who have a child who hasn't gone through this yet, I'm sorry!!! This is what's to come.

Long story short, Lincoln failed to take his morning nap (which he desperately needs) this morning due to the fact that he had to be put back down 9 TIMES. Then for the afternoon nap, it was 14 TIMES!! He finally fell asleep after over 1 hour of frustration and crying. Poor boy. He's absolutely zonked. I can't wait until he learns how to get himself back down without the assistance of myself or Rob. My tip, stay consistent. Go in the room, place them back down without talking and leave quickly. (I was talking in the video only because I knew he would be getting out of his crib for a diaper change and I wanted to inform my viewers of how many times we had counted him getting "stuck".)

Making Good Choices

Avonlea is learning how to make good and bad choices lately. The teacher in me just had to make a visual representation of the choices she makes during the day and so far, it's working quite well. Every time Avonlea makes a good choice during the day (and these are harder to pin point as a parent so I have to always be on the look out), I tell her she can put up a green smiley face and when she makes a bad choice, she has to sit in time out and put up a red, frowny face. When Rob gets home, he can see what choices she made during the day.