Family Size and Quiverfull...Part 3

So, will our family have more children? I don't know. I know that I'd love to welcome more children into our home whether we do biologically or through the beautiful act of adoption, if either are His will. (Psalms 82:3-4; Genesis 22:21-22; Deuteronomy 24:17-21)

 

(photo courtesy of Google)

 

I know that if the Lord's will is to continue having children, He will give us a faith about it. He will continue to give me the physical ability of carrying them. If he so wishes to add to our family through adoption, He will provide those finances as well as open doors for opportunities. And, His will may be that we not have any more children at all and we're okay with that. We have comfort in His best for us.

Our family has been on a long, patient journey for obtaining land and we have sat back and watched the Lord open and close doors in specific ways. He has spoken to us through other believers and their advice. He has done this with many aspects of our lives and not just the land He provided. We believe He will do the same with our family's size.

I love reading Jeremiah 29:11...

"For I know the plans I have for you", declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

He already knows the plans He has for us and He will reveal those plans to us if we seek Him with all of our heart.

(photo courtesy of Google)

 

Please know that I am not against a Quiver full family who wishes to have as many babies as their body allows, however, I would never pass judgment on a family who decided not to do so. Even if I knew their heart and if it had selfish reasoning behind their choice of family size. It's not what Jesus would do. I'm sure He could think of MANY things for us to be concentrating on (ministering to the homeless, loving on a post-abortive mother who doesn't know what to do, a person who needs groceries or someone to listen to them, etc.).

Some things that I know have crossed my mind since becoming more open to family size are:

-Natural Family Planning can be effective if well kept track of and you don't have to worry about contraptions being inserted into your body, unnatural hormones or permanent surgeries of which you may change your mind. Read HERE for some amazing stories on vasectomy reversals.

Norah - 4 yrs.old

 

- Just because you've had cesarean sections doesn't mean you are limited. My obstetrician has personally had patients with up to 9 c-sections without major complications. There's also a great link HERE to read a story of a mother who had 9 c-sections. I've heard many-a-story of women who's doctors said their uterine lining was too thin, but they had somehow conceived again and when they went in for an ultrasound, their lining was perfectly fine. No doubt, God was in that!

- As Christians, we are being out-populated by Muslims. I hesitate to share this video because I haven't done extensive research on the statistics, but the general objective is that we are being out populated and that our children and grandchildren are going to have a completely different world than what we grew up with, and we're moving FAST (I'm not just talking about population either. Technology has never progressed so quickly in human existence). Please note that I have friends who are Muslims and am in no way trying to be disrespectful.

- We only get a certain amount of years in our adult life to have children. I had a friend who chased the career and was so sad to learn that she had missed her chance to have children as she went into early menopause. My heart grieves for her as I know she wishes she could've changed some priorities in her life.

As I wrap up, my main goal to get across with this post on child-bearing is two-fold:

1.) PRAY, PRAY, and PRAY some more, asking the Holy Spirit for His will in your life regarding this area (and every area at that).

2.) and two, it is a heart issue.

What is your attitude towards children? Do you want to send them to their room, i-pad in hand so that you can have your peace and quiet, or do you take time to get to know their heart on an intimate level, talking, praying, and participating in their interests?

(Titus - newborn)

 

Ask them personal questions about their life:

What they want to be as they grow older?

Who is their best friend and what they admire in them?

What are their fears and hopes?

 What books do they like to read?

 What frustrates them?

 What do they enjoy in their free time?

What is their spiritual gift?

What is your love language?

How can I pray for you?

I hear of so many "programs" which are supposed to bring family together. We don't need anymore programs! Get your family together and just start reading the Bible. Study it. Memorize it. Start asking and answering the hard questions. Of coarse, you need to make time for this, cutting out the unnecessary that is getting in the way of your family reaching a closer level with Jesus. Prioritize. What's more important? Baseball or Jesus? Ballet or Jesus? Violin or Jesus? I'm not saying that baseball, ballet or violin are "bad things", but do they take precedence over getting closer to Jesus in the time that you have as a family? This is a tough, but very important question to ask. 

One of the biggest reasons I believe God intended for us to "be fruitful and multiply" is for multi-generational faithfulness and discipleship to occur. (Another post I have churning and will do my best to share soon.)

(Avonlea and Lincoln)

We love having a "large" family. I think that in some ways, it's easier. Yep. Easier. My children are always playing with each other, entertaining each other, learning together, playing together, inventing together. They're best pals. It makes those "Mommy, play with me" moments special. (I don't get a lot of "I'm bored" either. (Really.)

I love holidays with lots of family, family dinners with lots of tushies in seats (or at least we attempt to train them to stay in their seats...ha!), lots of toothbrushes on the sink, and although the laundry and dishes can really pile up, we work together and somehow, pull it off at the end of the day.

Having a larger family is certainly louder and messier, but I don't mind those things. {grin} Rob and I make a point to spend one on one time with each child as much as possible. It's not really a challenge though with only five. We take them out on "Mommy dates" and "Daddy dates", just spending time, asking heart-to-heart questions. We purposely cut out outside activities for this purpose. We love eating dinner and after table chores, playing outside as a family, no ties to anyone else's schedule demands.

Are there times of complete chaos, whining, arguments over toys...YES. But I truly believe that it's our ATTITUDE as parents that chooses to resolve these times in self-control and maturity OR frustration and anger. We mess up daily, but as long as there's repentance and we are working on improving that area of our life, the Lord is so gracious to forgive. 

  Psalm 127:3..."Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward."

Enjoy your children!

 

Family Size and Quiverfull...Part II

 

Why do people NOT want to have more children?

 

There are some selfish excuses: God won't provide enough money. I have the amount of children society says is "okay. I want to chase the career because that's more important. I'd be too stressed out, kids are work. I want an adult life.

 

...and few unselfish reasons of why they just can't: Situations like Abraham and Sarah or like Hannah in the Bible. They were infertile (until the Lord saw their hearts and decided to intervene.)

Micarriage.

 

Or, necessary hysterectomies or surgeries preventing a woman to bare more children.

 

I know that many of these selfish excuses would become non-existent if we had more Titus 2 women and men reaching out, modeling discipline how God intended discipline to happen. Disciplining a child shouldn't happen out of anger, but be administered in a self-controlled, limited, calm way. It takes time for a parent to train themselves in correct, Biblical discipline and doesn't happen overnight.

 

If you are struggling with discipline in your home or just want help in keeping your children's hearts, I highly suggest Keeping Our Children's Hearts by Steve and Teri Maxwell (paperbacks for just $ .45 on Amazon...a family library must-have), FIRST for reading and then Shepherding a Child's Heart by Ted Tripp. Also, Heart and Mind, What the Bible Says About Learning by Ruth Beechick. The Bible touches on the heart over 900+ times and in another post, I want to go further into detail, but not for now.

 

Vasectomies are a touchy topic amongst Christians. I only know that we, as a family, have not chosen this route due to the fact that we haven't received a faith from God whether or not we're done having biological children yet. There's definitely something to be said about having a non-medical surgery for convenience, altering the way God created a man, but please know that I am not here to judge you if you have had one. (hugs!)

 

It's difficult because so many families fall into the classic "Culture Wars" checklist and vasectomies seem to be one of those things to check off the list. We have personally known many families who went through with the procedure and have so deeply regretted it. They went along with what everyone else said was culturally acceptable and these couples often wonder if God had another child for them. Who were they missing out on? There is a great site HERE regarding vasectomy reversal stories should you feel a tug on your heart for more little ones.

  

3.) Life-threatening medical conditions for the mother/baby.

 

C-sections have been on the rise for years and with these surgeries, come great risk with each one. (I know. I've had five.) I admire THIS LADY for having so many (10!). The Lord clearly had His hand on her with each surgery and you can tell that her children are such a blessing to her. However, every woman's body is different. One woman may have placenta previa with her first, natural childbirth and then you have this woman with multiple c-sections and no placenta previa, nor uterine rupture. I think there's also a lot to be said about diet, exercise, and herbal teas.

 

I remember when I went in to have Titus. When the medical staff found out that it was our fifth, the look on the assistants' and anesthesiologists' faces were like a deer in headlights. "Wow! You're fifth c-section!" "Yes, ma'am. My doctor says that I'm healthy and my uterus is very thick and capable."

[Side note: At one point when we were a few months pregnant with our fourth, we saw a specialist regarding having a VBAC. He said that everything looked great on the ultrasound, but after all of our questions, I looked him straight in the eye and ask him what he would do if it was HIS wife. He said that there's a large risk for uterine rupture, loss of baby, possible loss of life for me if that happened as well as brain damage risks. That was enough for us. We prayed and the Lord answered that prayer.]

 

 

Okay, back to Titus' birth...When she pulled our son out, she held up the ambiblical cord and demanded that my husband take a picture of it. He was kind of grossed out, but complied with her request. She kept raving over how thick it was. She asked me at a later appointment if I was eating or drinking anything different. I told her I was drinking red raspberry leaf tea 3 times a day (you can also take them in capsule form if you don't like the taste).

 

All of that to say, every pregnancy could have complications, but for us, we pray and ask for the Holy Spirit to guide every decision we make.

 

That brings me to the subject of surrender.

 

If you're claiming to be a Christian, then God asks us to surrender our lives to Him FULLY.

 

Let's think of a few things the Lord asks us to surrender...

 

1.) Our jobs. My husband has a great job and we're very thankful for his job, however, he doesn't go to work, sit down and say, "Okay, God. Work." My husband has to do his job and complete the tasks his boss asks him to. He has certain deadlines he has to meet. He has an order to how things function in his job. Does he pray over his job asking the Lord for guidance? Yes!

 

2.) Our finances. When we surrender our finances to the Lord, we don't throw every penny we own onto the kitchen table and ask the Lord to "take care of things". If we're surrendering our finances to Him, we still have choices and decisions to make over those finances. We have a responsibility to manage them well. We pray that God would direct us in how we use the finances He has given us.

 

3.) Our family. If the Lord blesses us with children, yes, they belong to Him, but we don't just leave them in a room and say, "Okay Lord, take over." There is an order to raising them as they change, develop, mature, and grow. There is structure. We have free will to raise them, we are looking to the Lord, praying daily for them, but we still have to make decisions with the minds He gave us.

 

It's the same with bearing children. God gave us a brain. He allowed us to obtain knowledge on how our bodies work and procreate.

 

  Many defend the Quiver full movement with Scripture taken out of context.
 

 

  Let's look at Psalm 127 first. If you read "a quiverfull of arrows" (many children) meant wealth, children to take care of their parents in old age and a long lineage long ago. Many were also farmers and needed their children's help to run things. They also had more children to help defend against disease should there be an outbreak, so that some may live on to carry out the family name. This is something that many families still encourage because they're all GOOD things. Let's also take into account that back then, many men had multiple wives and concubines to produce more children, so while many a quiverfull family may argue that Biblical families were large so these verses are applicable, and fit, the times are different and the Scripture can be interpreted differently. (Although there is no Scripture proving that plural marriage is necessarily sinful, there isn't one story throughout the Bible where plural marriage turns out well! Most of the wives have struggle with jealousy, which lead to major problems. Probably why in the New Testament, things changed to monotonous marriages.)

 

There were many family lineages recorded in the Torah (first 5 books of the Bible believed to be written by Moses) where even though the families consisted of many children, each wife/concubine had only a few children (I say a few, meaning 4-5 children), but added together with the other wives/concubines, there were more under one husband.

 

Genesis 38:9 is also a big verse that Quiver full will use as a defense against any type of family planning.

 

"But Onan knew that the child would not be his; so whenever he slept with his brother's wife, he spilled it on the ground to keep from providing offspring for his brother."

 

Then God strikes Onan dead. This verse isn't saying that the "spilling it on the ground" was the problem. It was the HEART ISSUE behind it. The big picture. He didn't want to provide offspring for his dead brother's wife. I'm sure Onan wasn't the only man in this situation ever in the entire existence of the universe, but God doesn't strike all of those other men dead. It was Onan's heart issue and Onan's punishment. Onan was trying to avoid Levirate marriage law where the widow's brother-in-law was to provide a son for the family name to carry on and the land not to be alienated. See Deuteronomy 25:5-10, Ruth 4, and Mark 12:18-27). There have been books written about the topic of quiverfull and while I certainly appreciate some of the topics covered some of the reviews depict what I had thought, Scripture taken out of context.

Part 3 to come.

Family Size and Quiverfull...Part I

 

In the next few days, I want to touch on a topic of which I've done much research, asked many questions, and spoken to many God-fearing believers about.

(photo courtesy of Google)

 

Quiver full is definitely a "touchy" topic as there are many sides and takes on it. So let's just dive right in, shall we? (I'm going to divide this series into 3 parts.)

 

I used to struggle with this topic personally and a few years ago, started really studying Scripture and looking for answers. I didn't want to be disobeying God.

 

Those that associate themselves with Quiver full, are families who claim that they will accept as many children as the Lord will allow them to have.

 

First of all, we know multiple families who claim this belief so I am in no way saying that their convictions are "wrong". A heart conviction is different than a commandment from God. It is something that the Lord personally convicts you about. I do think that although there may be some families that the Lord may convict regarding this issue, but that doesn't mean that someone else who doesn't share this conviction isn't a Christian or doesn't love the Lord just as much as the person who is convicted to accept baby after baby.

 

The way I see the topic of family size panned out, there are many options, but two of the leading ones tend to be:

 

1.) We're just doing what society says is "right"...girl = check, boy = check, DONE. Or the "four and no more" because let's face it, most of society accepts the four children, but after that, you're just plain nuts! (grin)

 

2.) We leave our family size "up to the Lord" and have as many babies as He would allow. (Yes, we're all thinking Duggars at this point, but from what I have seen of their family, I believe they are following the Lord's plan for their life.) Where this point of view can go wrong though is when we get like the Pharisees and Sadducees, take Scripture out of context and it becomes like a law, replacing the heart. I love reading up on THIS BLOG and appreciate all of the great tips on homemaking, homeschooling, etc. , but when I read some of their posts and comments on family planning (or lack thereof really), I immediately had a red flags going up. Women were commenting on how they could possibly not survive another birth if they were to get pregnant again, but the blogger deemed that this was in no way an excuse to control their family size as God is the great physician. Yes, God is the great physician and nothing is out of his grasp, however I am reminded of a verse in Matthew 10:23 which says this...

 

"When you are persecuted in one place, flee to another. Truly I tell you, you will not finish going through the towns of Israel before the Son of Man comes."

 

Jesus was telling His disciples to get out of harm's way so that they could continue preaching the gospel. The Good News couldn't be spread if all the disciples stayed put and let everyone kill them off!

 

 

If you are a mother with the chance of perishing due to another pregnancy, I would ask you pray. Pray and ask the Holy Spirit to speak to you, to REVEAL A FAITH to you either way (see Hebrews 11 on faith and how it is a REVELATION from the Lord to certain people...I think we so flippantly use the word faith today with things that we want to happen). Be sure you are walking close with the Holy Spirit and know what His voice is like as He whispers to you what He wants you to do. The Holy Spirit speaks to people in dreams, along roadsides, in letters on a wall, through others' words, etc.

 

Be a "looker".

 

Some things that are Scripturally obvious to me are Psalm 127...God has to be in the process of baby making for there to be blessing ("unless the Lord build the house").

 

Many families out there who are non-believers are having babies (some who may grow up to be Christians!), but they will never experience the blessing that we have as believers and their parenting may tend to be more difficult without Jesus (the ultimate symbol of love) as a model for their discipline and parenting. Having a child isn't 100% up to God or why would these families be reproducing?

 

 

Our God is a God of order. Look at how His creation was made. He created a woman's body to have a cycle and order. He has allowed us to have the knowledge of how our bodies work and how to control them when necessary. God also gives us free will and that include procreation. He gave Adam and Eve free will from the very beginning.

 

When it comes to having children, I truly believe that it (like anything Jesus taught) is a HEART ISSUE. It's the WHY or WHY NOT behind it.

 

Parts 2 and 3 coming up next...

 

The Size of Your Family

Okay, so I've seen this book floating around and thought I'd read it myself. This is a touchy subject for most people, the size of your family. I myself, have been turning to God's Word for answers, searching for what He has desired my family to be.

First things first, God will never give us more than we can handle. He has a specific will for our lives and knows what each and every one of us will endure throughout our lives. We will go through trials and hardship. We will go through times of blessing and honor. The most awesome part about it is that the Lord is with us.

I thought I might break down the book chapter by chapter and let you know what some of my favorite parts were that stuck out to me personally. The book is written by Mary Ostyn and she is a wife to her high school sweetheart, mother to ten children, both biological and adopted (4 biological, 6 adopted) and she does love the Lord.

Chapter 1: Growing a Family...Are We Crazy to Want Another Baby?

"How can there be too many children? That is like saying there are too many flowers."
- Mother Teresa

*"Most people assume you have children to check the girl and boy box on your life checklist. It is still acceptable to have three children, but only if the first two are of the same sex. If you would want to have more than that, well, you are downright crazy."

*"A large family disturbs folks; it makes them reexamine their own choices. The decision to be done with babies stirs deep emotion. Usually there's no do-over. If you reach fifty and find youself mourning the speed at which parenthood passed, you've probably missed your chance to jump back on the train."

I love this quote. It doesn't just relate to children, but to all aspects in life. I was chatting with some girls a few weeks ago and one friend called me a "doer". She meant it in a positive way, meaning that I go for things I want in life. It's true. It's a positive thing, but it's also my greatest struggle. I am not naturally a patient person. I see something I want out of life, I pray about it (sometimes, too quickly and not long enough to listen closely to God...still working on that one!) and go for it if I feel lead and all the chips are lined up just so. I never want to look back on life and regret not doing something. I also know that being too busy, you can miss out on some of the most precious times. It's a constant balance thing. :)

Mary also talks about how others judge you and how to handle the unique (and sometimes, not-so-friendly) comments others make. Everyone is expecting you to screw up so they can say their "I told you so's". They knew you wouldn't be able to 'handle' another child. The funny part is that the comments come when you're pregnant, but once your unsupportive friends/family meet the newest addition, they're hooked and in love with this precious gift from God.

In this chapter, Mary also addresses spousal agreement. You and your spouse are a team and the decision to have another baby should be made together after much prayer. This goes for adoption as well. Sometimes, we feel lead to adopt, but the money isn't always 100% there. Mary addresses that they didn't have the money either, but somehow, God provided for each adoption (and they have 6!). Sometimes, one spouse may want another child, but the other is hesitant. The best advice she gives it to leave your spouse alone, stop nagging, pray and wait. There's a neat story that goes along with this in the book...that's why you have to buy it! :)

Chapter 2: Money...Just How Broke Are We Going To Be?

There are some interesting statistics here that discuss the costs of raising a child. "According to the calculation at Bankrate.com, it will cost you $190,000 to raise a child born in 2006 to age 18." Mary wondered if this could possibly be true so she did some research herself. She found out that the actual cost is $51,984 for 18 years. If you break that down, it's $2,888 per year. That's with using hand-me-down clothing, no schooling costs (she homeschools all of them) and just being frugal.

Some tips she gives on living frugally...

1. cook most food from scratch

2. plan menus to minimize extra trips to the store

3. watch prices and buy food where it is cheapest

4. grow a garden and preserve the extra produce

5. buy on sale and stock up

6. treat meat as a condiment instead of a the centerpiece

7. eat out in moderation

She also talks about clothing, gift giving, being smart and organized with your living space,vehicles, education, insurance/medical, childcare, activities/enrichment, college and what children really need in the rest of the chapter. One thing I really liked about this chapter is that it reassurred me that just because I won't have all three of my kids' college educations payed for in full by the time they graduate, I'm not alone. Personally, my parents didn't pay for my college education and I learned so much from earning the money myself.

Chapter 3: Making Space...Will We Need a Shoehorn to Fit Another Bed?

"Living in the Western world gives people a skewed perspective about the amount of space needed to raise a family. It is easy to look at the subdivisions with triple-car garages and to notice that our friends' kids all have their own rooms and to start thinking that much space is essential. But families have been thriving for centuries on far less space than we consider normal today."

Mary gives great tips on how to get your home organized and uncluttered to fit your family members. She talks about using loft bedding, double and tripple bunkbeds, storage under beds, decluttering, dark furniture, laundry management, bathroom solutions (she has some amazing solutions in this chapter), sharing bedrooms, funtional bedrooms, toys that are useful...Legos, dollhouses, play dishes/food, etc., keeping a durable home and being creative.

Chapter 4: Kids and Activities...Is It Still 'Home Sweet Home' If I'm Never There?

Mary really hits the note on the head with this chapter in how busy we are as parents. We think our children need to be involved in so many activities and at such a young age. They turn 3 and we're signing our daughters up for ballet immediately. Our sons turn 5 and it's off to T-ball you go! We need to really evaluate what activities our children are going to be involved in. At what is the cost to us financially and physically? What will the children take away from this activity? Will it be lifelong? What will your family lose from participating in this activity?

She also touches on choosing activities, setting limits, reality and expectations.

Chapter 5: Affordable Vacations...Is a Disney Vacation a Childhood Essential?

"Studies have shown that the memories people are most likely to remember from childhood are the unexpected things-the times that surprise or provide an interesting break in the routine."

This chapter touches on the alternative vacations to take as a family verses hitting the theme parks all the time. This hits home for us because we live in Florida. We have always enjoyed the beach, parks and wildlife, visiting the farm, boating, camping, canoeing the Florida rivers and lakes, etc. However, we do enjoy the theme parks. If you are a FL resident, you can't beat the deals for annual passes...go once, come back all year long. We are definately Sea World and Busch Gardens fans!

Mary talks about ways to do cheap vacations and making the most out of them.

Chapter 6: The Supermom Myth...Where Is My Supersuit?

I thought the title of this chapter was cute, only because the title of my blog is The Adventures of Supermom. :) Everyone knows that there is no such thing as a real-life Supermom! Oh the things we could learn from her if there were. Sigh. Anyway, I love this quote...

"Myths swirl thick around mega-moms. I can barely get through the grocery store without someone commenting on my candidacy for either the loony bin or sainthood. I'm not sure which perception I dislike more. People have a hard time seeing a mother of large families as normal. It's a shame, because not only does it intimidate other women into thinking that they don't have what it takes to mother another child or two but it also separates mothers of large families from the support they might gain from other mothers."

There's a story here about a mother of 12 that feels "less free to share her normal struggles as a mother". I think that's so sad. Every mother should be able to express her feelings of motherhood whether in joyous times or times of growth and struggle. This goes for the daddys too!!!

Another quote I liked..."many people quite honestly see only a few explanations for having a big crew: faulty birth control, extreme stupidity, or outright insanity. America is a self-indulgent society. The more children you have, the more demands there are on your time and the less time you have for yourself. Sure, you can still arrange time now and then to recharge...but parenting a large family chips away at your free time. That scares people plain and simple."

One mother of 6 says, "What touches my heart more than anything is to see the relationships that blossom between the children and to catch those moments when they let genuine love and caring slip through. I hope that those moments will keep them close to each other, no matter what corner of this world they land in."

Mary also touches on...Inventiveness, flexibility, humor, organizational myths, learning to say 'no', avoiding dry cleaners and ironing, priorities and chores and the myth of having extreme patience.

Chapter 7: Parenthood and Stress...Will Bedtime Ever Come?

This chapter focuses on helping children sleep better, how to dodge the stress you can control through playing praise songs or quiet music, dancing, etc. She also talks about making time for your marriage (so important!!!) and she gives some great advice for new moms.

Chapter 8: Parenting Hacks...Isn't There a Better Way to Do This?

Here are some points made in this chapter:

-respect people, respect property

-grocery shopping rules

- making expectations clear when you're out and about

- letting kids know what the agenda is

-considering older kids' feelings

-"The Gimmies"

- Bedtime battles

* She supports cosleeping until her babies are ready to move into a big bed, but I'm not a fan of this. A husband and wife need time together without children. Your kids are going to be gone someday and it's going to be you and your hubby. Keep the spark alive. Your kids already get you for 12+ hours of the day. Keep that time for you and your husband. Acceptions to this may be the first few months after giving birth when Mommy is feeding baby. I've personally done this. I did know the risks before doing so and I chose to sleep in a firm bed, limited pillows/blankets and without my rolling husband. I slept with my arm around the head of my baby so that it prohibited me from rolling over her. I don't know if I'd do it again though. However, "to each his own". I'll leave it at that.

The final chapters are as follows, but you'll just have to buy the book for the rest...

Chapter 9: Likable Kids...a great chapter on chores and developing good work habits. You'll love it!

Chapter 10: School Success...she does a fantastic job touching on how we choose to school our children whether they are public schooled, private schooled or homeschooled, our kids' learning styles, socialization myths.

Chapter 11: Encouraging Sibling Friendships

Chapter 12: Celebrating Each Child

I'm going to be honest. I ended the book teary-eyed at some of her personal stories of her family. So touching. Mary Ostyn is a fantastic author and she writes so that you feel as though you're sitting next to her on your couch, chatting away at life's experiences.

WRAP UP

So, how do I feel about this topic?

First, I know that God will only give us what we can handle.

-Philippians 4:13

-Proverbs 3:5-6

-Isaiah 40:31

God doesn't give us a magical number of children that He wants every family to have. He has plans for each of us individually. It does say in Psalm 139:16 that life is PRECIOUS to God. Isn't that reassuring and awesome?!

Some things that keep us from having more children, even if we wanted more are:

-MONEY

- mom has to go back to work or wants the career

- patience

- selfishness

- we can't handle the ones we have

The awesome part about this is that God can help us in these matters. He is in control. One phrase that we've all heard is that 'if we want something bad enough, to go after it'. Although I do love this phrase, we have to remember that God has to be in it to make it succeed and to where we get the full blessing out of it.

This is where the verses from Psalm 127:1-5 comes into play.

"Unless the Lord builds the house, it's builders labor in vain. Unless the Lord watches over the city, the watchmen stand guard in vain. In vain you rise early and stay up late, roiling for food to eat-for he grants sleep to those he loves. Sons are a heritage from the Lord, children a reward from him. Like arrows in the hands of a warrior are sons born in one's youth. Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them. They will not be put to shame whenthey contend with their enemies in the gate."

We have to remember that God is to be the center of our households. If not, we can not receive His full blessing. When God is the center of the house, children are taught of Him and are disciplined. When children are revealing good character qualities, Christ-like qualities, Fruit of the Spirit, a parent won't look upon his children as an inconvenience, an extra expense or a bother. They are a blessing. (Isaiah 54:13...our children will bring us peace if we teach them correctly, Proverbs 22:6...discipline your children)

I'm reminded of John 15:5...

"I am the vine; you are the branches. If a man remains in me and I in him, he will bare much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing."

We can do nothing without Christ.

ADOPTION

God had a plan for families from the beginning. Genesis 1:28 says for us to be fruitful and to multiply. Well, times have changed. Sex is premiscuous and people have turned away from God. People don't understand what a blessing it can be when you wait until you are married. As children are being born into the world without parents to care for them, they are orphaned. God does tell us that adoption can be a blessing...

-Exodus 22:22-23

-Romans 8:14-16

-Galations 4:4-6

-Psalms 10:14,17-18

-James 1:27

Although adoption is expensive, if it is God's will for your life to adopt, He will provide the funds. Don't limit what God can do. Remember that your money is not yours, it's Gods! We also should not pass judgement on those that do not adopt. It may not be what God has planned for someone else's life.

Matters of the Heart

I think that we as parents get so caught up in so many details, even Biblical details...what we wear, how many kids we have, how we school our children, what we eat...we forget that the most important thing is that Christ cares most about the matters of our HEART! You can thumb through the Bible all you want on topics that are nitty-gritty, however in researching and comparing Bible verses this past week, I've found that there are over 264 verses where Christ addresses our hearts. What is your motive behind something? Are you doing it for the Lord or for yourself? The funny thing is that you can show what you want people to think or see you as on the outside, but Christ will ALWAYS know our HEART. :) God has a plan for each of our lives and He knows how to orchestrate the details to make that happen. We are to pray and seek Him. We are to be patient and listen to Him. We are to trust Him. We are to obey Him.

It sounds so simple, but we all make mistakes. We all forget sometimes that He is in charge. This is usually when he uses things in life to bring us back to Him.

Okay, so thanks for listening today. I hope that this book touched you like it touched me. Only YOU know what God wants for your family and the exact size He wants it. Pray, seek Him, be patient, listen to Him, trust and obey Him. You will be BLESSED!